Arrrrrg

The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything have become the . . .

PIRATES WHO CAPTURE PEOPLE THEN GET SHOT IN THE PROCESS.

Zzzzzzzz...

I'm so tired I think I'm going to . . . . . . . . fall . . . . . . . . .

Return Of Aunt Flow

Dearest Aunt Flow, It's not you, it's not me

It's just the way you were made

I'm sure it's not easy

So why not have a glass of lemonade?

That last line did not go along with my theme

Because I'm afraid that I'm afraid to say much more

My wife may or mat not read this blog you see

Of course I hesitate before most decisions when Aunt Flow's at the door

I will never know what it's like or what it takes

But just remember, it really sucks to be a guy and have two extremely sensitive testicles dangling between your legs.

Easterness

Easter is right around the corner. Are we ready to celebrate Christ through eggs and candy? Well, whatever your opinions on Easter may be, it definitely means spring is here. Even though it's very windy and rainy outside. I'm feeling a little bit on the warm hearted side today, let's think of ways to use our Easter festivities to benefit other people...

First of all, I suppose we could give all of our used Easter eggs to homeless people. We could even deliver them in baskets. (You're probably like, "Deliver them where?") Sure, they've been on the ground, on dusty shelves and behind couches, passed around by germy handed children, but hey THAT'S WHAT THE SHELL'S FOR!

My family and I are going to start the tradition every year of putting on facial war paint, dancing around a fire in rags chanting the lyrics to "Little Bunny Foo Foo." (Not sure how that benefits people).

Go to the nursing home and start an Easter egg hunt but don't hide any eggs! They'll be searching for hours!

We are going to paint eggs today, it always makes me sad. When I look at the pretty blue egg I think "This could have been a chicken fajita." Brings a tear to my eye.

Enough about Easter, I finally was able to mow this week! I accidentally took my medication 3 times that day.



Actually that video was made last summer. A victory lap if you will bring the season to an end.

Wacka Wacka

Top 10 Ways To Boost The Economy

10). Buy stuff

9). Sell your children to celebrities because they make the best parents and have the most money.

8). Do not give anymore money to banks

7). Force professional sports players to give up one million dollars a year to the good people, they don't deserve it anyway.

6). Buy 20 cars at once

5). Make babies!

4). Flush the toilet twice after every time you use it

3). Eat out every evening

2). Purchase a snuggie!

1). Wear sunscreen

Proof Aliens Are Real

It's on the internet so it must be true!

Props To #13

Ah yes, Millard Fillmore. It is the most amazing and yet, most depressing presidency. Of course, dying at the age of 3 is sad, but a 3 year old becoming president of the United States? Amazing. He looks a lot older than 3 doesn't he? Oh well, amazing none the less. He did some crap with letting part of Texas become Nevada or something like that. Which is good, 'cause less-tex the better. Steers and Queers.

CUT IT OUT!